Amanda

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I chose to keep my decision to have a home birth for our second baby relatively private. Following Elli's emergency C-section, I wanted to shield myself from any potential negative perceptions that might undermine the trust I was rebuilding in my body and the birthing process. While I didn't anticipate deliberate negativity from others, I knew there might be concerns about the unconventional choice, especially given the rarity of home births after previous cesarean sections. For those who did express concerns, I understood that it stemmed from a place of genuine care and love. 

 

Throughout my pregnancy, I dedicated significant time to educating myself on childbirth and specifically HBAC (home birth after cesarean), carefully weighing the associated risks. I hired two incredible midwives that I had an instant connection with. Their support throughout the journey was so amazing that I can barely put it in to words. They were literally there to support me. Every decision that was made along the way and throughout my labor was made purely by me (and Tom) but with the expertise of my midwives guiding me. There was not a single moment in my pregnancy that I felt pressured to do anything that I didn’t feel aligned with. It filled me with so much confidence and allowed me to really lean in to trusting my body and the process of birth. 

 

On the day of Elli’s 2nd birthday, I woke up feeling a little different. I am not sure how to put it in to words but I just didn’t feel called to do the things that I would typically do. I had Elli booked in to the gym creche but something was telling me that going to the gym was not what I was meant to be doing this particular morning. So I didn’t. Tom ended up going and taking Elli to the creche with him, while I stayed home and sunk myself in to a 45 minute meditation. This is when it all began. During that 45 minute period, I was experiencing some tightening / cramp like feelings across the front of my body in between my hips. I counted 6 times that this happened during my meditation. My maths is pretty good usually but just to double check, I calculated when I came back to reality that this was about 7.5mins in between each of these tightenings. A part of me knew that things were kicking off but another part of me tried to dismiss it given that I was in early labor with Elli for a number of days! 

 

I continued on with the day and managed to keep things on the down low during the multiple FaceTime calls that we had for Elli’s birthday. I was removing myself from the frame during a contraction and being as quiet as possible during that time! It was much easier in the first half of the day than it was in the second! I did have a couple of comments stating that I looked a little on the tired side! Things really started ramping up at about 3pm … while Tom was mowing the lawn. I was starting to get a lot more vocal with each contraction and it was not as easy to go about my day, my focus had definitely shifted to the pain. At about 7:45pm I hit a point where I said to Tom that I couldn’t do it, the pain was so intense and I didn’t know how much more I could handle. Tom was straight on the phone to Heidi (one of our amazing midwives) and she started making her way over. This is exactly what I needed at this point. The encouraging words of both Tom and Heidi had me back into a state of mind that said I COULD do this and I knew that this is exactly what I wanted. I was not ready to give up. 

 

My concept of time was completely gone, but according to my birth notes I was getting into the pool at about 9pm. I remember being amazed at how much relief this actually provided. I had read about the pool being good for pain management but didn’t really have high expectations, I guess I just didn’t really know what to expect. I felt a lot of pressure and kept feeling the urge to push, but there was also a part of me that knew it wasn’t time to push yet. This went on for a couple of hours. I was changing positions to try and find something that was more comfortable, both in and out of the pool. I vomited a few times in this period too … which I had totally forgotten about until talking through things the next day! 

 

Just before midnight, I had my first vaginal examination. I needed it at this point. I was feeling quite defeated and once again didn’t know how much longer I could go on! I had no problems having any examinations, but they just weren’t necessary until this moment! Heidi could feel bub’s head but it was tilted slightly and there was still a part of my cervix that needed to shift in order for things to progress. After this discovery, Heidi put some press needles in to some pressure points and WOW! I literally felt the baby move after she applied them … I am still so impressed by the power of acupuncture! 

 

I continued labouring again for another couple of hours (once again, I had no concept of time so this part is based on my notes). I moved to straddle the toilet just after 2:30am and the urge to push was getting stronger and stronger. Just after 3am, Heidi and Tracey noticed a shift in my sounds and came to check things … they could see the head! My noises were so loud at this point that I woke Elli up, which was actually perfect because in all of my visualisations I had pictured her being there and a part of the experience. I made my way back to the lounge room but did not get back into the pool. I was on all fours leaning over the side of it instead. I remember seeing Tom setting up the tripod and some lighting behind me and I managed to have a little chuckle to myself at how professional it all was. I had been expecting some crappy little iPhone video of the baby coming out, but he had made sure it was great quality! 

 

There was so much more than just a baby that I had to push through during this stage. It literally felt like I was pushing the baby out of my butt and I needed to also push through the fear of everything just ripping apart. I was quite scared at this point! I was pushing but there was also a big part of me that was holding back due to this fear that I was experiencing. This was not something that I had researched or focused on during the pregnancy. My focus has been around rupture and what to look out for if that was to happen. I remember so clearly when Tracey put her arm around me and whispered in my ear that I needed to push through that fear … I hadn’t even voiced that I was feeling that way, she just knew. A few more pushes after this and she was out. At 3:39am Tom caught our baby girl and passed her through to me. I felt so many emotions at this point. I did it. I had so much confidence during pregnancy that I would do it … but then when I actually did, it was the most empowering moment I have ever experienced. It took me about 2 minutes before I had even checked the gender. I didn’t care, I was just so extremely proud of myself for the work I had put in to get to this moment. 

 

Even as I sit here writing this story, 2 months after the experience, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude—for the journey that led me here, for the unwavering support of Tom and my midwives, and for the boundless strength that I discovered within myself.